My family are the people most precious to me, and yet they can sometimes seem like aliens! Is your experience similar?

One teenager who did hoozyu shared afterwards that it had helped him ‘talk more to my family’. How good is that! I don’t know the specifics but I can make a few guesses.

As we understand ourselves more through our hoozyu (our motivations, our positive behaviours, stress behaviours and needs) we also see how different others can be and begin to understand the dynamics of how those similarities and differences between us have an impact on how we talk to and relate to those around us, including our families.

Think about family dynamics and your needs.

If you have top of the grid needs (e.g. for directness, action, decisiveness, enthusiasm, flexibility etc) and live in a family whose usual style is more bottom of the grid (e.g. who seem to take ages over decisions, are very measured and don’t get very excited about trying anything new or different) that may prove frustrating to you.

Maybe it will help to adjust your expectations of them; spend time with others who are more enthusiastic; introduce new ideas or activities to your family in a more gradual way so they are less resistant, and so on.

The Grid Reference sheet on the hoozyu platform will give you descriptions of all quadrants on the grid so you can see how others are different to you in usual and needs (and stress!)

What about the needs of your family members?

They may have very different needs to you. You may need to talk about your feelings; they may never ask you how you feel, and instead focus on facts and evidence. They may need flexibility and change; you may need order and stability…

See if you can broaden your understanding of them, and adjust your reactions to the things that don’t work so well for you.

Family activities - do you love or hate them?

I know one family who are crazy about the outdoors - climbing mountains, swimming in rivers, staying in bunk houses in the middle of nowhere, putting up with cold and weird food - that’s their idea of fun! Its what they do, its how they spend their holidays! Its what they involve and encourage everyone else to do.

Except… the middle child in this family is decidedly less enthusiastic about such things, and after years of these adventures (and doing his hoozyu) rather tentatively voiced that, ‘I don’t really enjoy this stuff as much as the rest of you’, during a car journey home from yet another mountain adventure!

That wasn’t easy for him to say, but it was a big step.

He not only shared something important about himself, he also helped them understand that not everyone shares such a passion as they do for adventure! His interests are much more creative and technical (blue and red) and he has a very low ‘outdoor’ score, so what his family found really energising, he found really draining.

What activities do your family do, or what do you wish they did? Meals together, movies, board games, shopping, trips to the beach, do-it-yourself projects, reading? You may love or hate these, and your hoozyu interests will shed some light on why.

You may not change your family, but understanding them and helping them to understand you, may be a great help and enable you to ‘talk to my family more’ too. Have fun!